Lindsay over at Suburban Turmoil has a post up about ways moms feel judged and judging of other moms. I don't necessarily feel judged or judgmental of other moms in the real world, but I do measure myself by fictional moms' standards and it's by that yardstick that I often feel inadequate.
Mama in All-of-a-kind Family has 6 kids and has to do the laundry by hand, yet she still has time to do charity work, take care of a sick friend and spend quality time with her brother. I have a washing machine and dryer and only one child and I haven't put away the clean kitchen linens from last week's wash. My house is a sty.
On the other hand, she relies a lot on Ella to babysit for all 5 younger siblings and she allows her toddling son to go to the store downstairs by himself. I've never left MM alone with a 12 year old for God's sake! And no, he is NOT allowed out of my house without supervision. Plus, I can pretty much trust him NOT to put hot coals in his lap.
Ma from the Little House books cooks at an open hearth, cleans, draws water from the fireplacing WELL and homeschools! I live in the modern world and...well...see Inadequate above. Also, MM doesn't know how to tie his shoes. I should have taught him that already, right?
I don't rely on my deathly ill child to crawl on the floor and get water for the rest of the family. Nor do I expect MM to put a sibling through school by sewing 10 hours a day.
On par: MM gets a bath at least once a week, more often if it seems necessary. He can read. He's happy playing by himself while I get dinner ready. He loves to vacuum. And, while his Christmas list is rather long, he understands the concept of "enough" and is not expecting to get more than one or two things off that long list. And he'd be really really happy with some silly slippers as a present.
But I feel horrible about how often I feed him crap, or spend time on my computer instead of playing with him, and how messy our house is, and how much tv I let him watch, and and and...
But he's loving, and a good friend, and loves nothing more than to have me and his daddy read to him or listen to him read, he spends a huge amount of time coloring and writing stories, he's a good kid.
On balance, I guess I'm doing a good job. I guess my feelings of inadequacy come from knowing I could be doing much better. But sometimes good enough is good enough.
Now, I'm going to work out some guilt feelings in the kitchen with a mop.
Through My Glasses, Dorkily
5 years ago