About me - gift thingy

If I could get away with it, I'd steal Alton Brown's Good Eats kitchen, because damn it, it should be mine.

I sometimes buy Simple Living magazine, because I lust after the cover art.

If you came over to my house to play and broke my ________________ crayon, I'd be a little bit mad at you forever. Um....doesn't apply to me. To my way of thinking, now I have two!

The colour institutional green should only be used in fungal remedy packaging or if human waste were to be redesigned.

The colour blue that they use in the glass for that expensive bottled water makes my heart feel like it is full of happy kittens frolicking in a sunny, grassy meadow.

Japanese Anime makes me break out in gooberous pustules (or else I just don't like it, but I'm too nice to say it.)

I might get sick or die if I touch or ingest cilantro, or look at Tremors, that horrible movie.

Pokemon gives me the heebie jeebies and I might need to seek therapy if I even think about it further.

I love the feel of LL Bean flannel-lined jeans so much I have a primitive urge to stick some down my pants. Oops! Already there!

No one should have to watch me eat lobster, because really If I were eating some in private, I'd be quite a pig about it. Ummmmmm.

I would rather chew tinfoil and shave my head with a cheese grater than eat gefillte fish.

I DO follow recipes because otherwise I leave important things out, but I do improvise once I know one pretty well.

For Marla, "White Shoulders" perfume will always smell like her laid-out dead grandmother. I feel that way about tea roses.

If I could, I'd perfume my own farts and those of my loved ones with the scent of chocolate.

I have TOO MANY/TOO MUCH OF computers in the house, and not enough clothes to wear on cold weekends. I mean seriously, I've got 3 casual shirts and 2 pairs of non-business pants.

Gadgets are for EVERYBODY!

When people have kind, sweet and nice things about me, they're usually talking about Muffin Man.

I can't be upset if people dis me about my driving, because it's true.

If I could have any talent in the world, I'd choose musical ability and use it to make people happy.



You are given an hour and twenty dollars to spend in one of these places, childfree. Choose one, or write your own:

A flea market, where you might find neat treasures and still have enough left over for some home made baked goods from that nice granny's table.

A picturesque pub, where a couple of great drinks and a nice tip might lead to some interesting conversations.

A craft show, because you really need to find a few more things made from twigs and yarn.

A gourmet food store, because food for the tummy is food for the soul.

A fancy and expensive boutique, because you'd rather have one lipstick from a great place than ten lipsticks from a dollar store.

Wherever! Whatever! Just give the twenty dollars to whomever's caring for the offspring so you can have more time to yourself!


And here's the last chance to make sure that you're not going to get a "Jelly of the Month" club membership when you're expecting your bonus for a swimming pool:

It is important to me that the items chosen for me are at least a little silly.
(Examples: respect my Wal-Mart boycott, are vegan, aren't made by child or sweatshop labour, can be stuffed down my pants)

And

If I could suggest that you read only one post from my archives, this would be it: Poop-Warning Contains Graphic Descriptions of Grossness
And

If I were to name the Holiday of my choice for this exchange, it would be: Christmas, even though I'm culturally Jewish, I'm Christmas's biggest fan. (Please feel free to make one up - but this is your chance to say "Um, I'm Jewish but that doesn't mean give me dreidels!" or "More Santa decorations please - I only have thirty-seven now." or "Winter and gifts yes; religious denominations, no - if only all cards could be like those politically correct corporate holiday wishes!" if you want to.)